Updates from senior year

Well it's been a while since we've updated this but Flanders has cooled down a lttle bit. There arehowever a few highlights thus far.
At the begining of the year we had a BBQ at range pond. Flanders got pretty drunk from o whip and started laying for discs into the pond. At one point flanman emerged from the water with his arm covered in blood. He had sliced his Arm open on a rock. Pig newton one of the coordinators immediately found someone sober enough to bring him to the hospital. However before he could go Flanders said "wait I need my Medicine and did a fat knee chug of o whip so as to insure that he was sufficiently saucy when he got to the hospital.

New story from the flan man himself

I just spent nearly an hour chatting with the Flan Man. he relayed me this gem. Kind of scary, but hilarious. I just hope our man come's back alive from europe. because he almost didn't. Hear it is, in his own words:
so me and 3 people from the program took a weekend trip to Krakow Poland
we saw auchwitz yesterday, which was very interesting, toured the town, etc
there is a seriously rocking nightlife there too
i starts up at like 11:30 or midnight, goes till 6, 8 in the morning
yeah it was awesome
anyway, the hostel we were staying at employs this guy to take people out to bars at night
pretty fucking awesome job
he's british, cool guy
anyway, we pregamed with rum and apple juice, then went to a bar, i had some good drinks and stuff
then around 2:30 am or something
we went to another bar, just 4 of us (the guide, one of my friends from the program, and a spanish guy named javier). Anyway, we got some beers, chilled for a bit
i was drunk but not hammered
hard to believe i know
but anyway, the other 3 people I was with went up to the bar to get a drink while I guarded the table
so I'm sort of leaning back in my chair with my feet on two other chairs to reserve for my group
anyway, this huge (and I mean fucking humoungous) guy comes by
looks relatively scary
anyway, he grabs one of the chairs my foot was on like he was making to take it for his table or something
so I said "excuse me, sorry, my friends are sitting here"
apparently he didn't speak english, or else he was looking for a fight, but either way he just walks up to me and grabs me one handed by the neck
and starts to pull me up out of my chair
keep in mind my right leg is still on another chair beneath the table, so I cant stand up and it takes me a bit to get my leg free
I can barely breath, i manage to gasp ok, have the table
anyway, he just punches me in the ribs and drags my by the neck with his humongous massive hand to the door
the bar was on the third floor of the building
so he throws me out the door and down the first flight of stairs
the one friend of mine from budapest still at the bar dropped her phone in a toilet a couple days previously, so her phone was broke, and i didn't have the other guys numbers
So I thought this guy was just some huge drunk asshole. anyway, i decide that since i don't exactly know my way back, or speak a word of polish, that I'll try and go back into the bar and find my group and whatnot
anyway, as I'm going back inthe guy was there, guarding the door and he grabbed me again by the neck and turned me away, let me walk down the stairs this time
so I decide ok, fuck, this guys a bouncer and he was just looking for some poor guy like me to pick on
so I decided to leave
by now its 6:00 am
(At this point i interjected to suggest that flanders may have been to drunk to be there)
suns coming up, I didn't bring a coat because I didn't think we were going that far and I didn't want it to get all smokey
anywya, it wasn't that cold
no dude, I swear i was not that drunk
I remember this all perfectly
i wasn't totally sober but I was not passing out or causing problems or anything
i think he may have thought i was a homeless guy trying to sleep at a table in the bar, because i had finished my beer and didn't have it with me
but either way he's a total asshole, i still have a mark on my neck
(Here I pointed out that flanders does kind of look like a hobo)
fair point..
so then I'm lost in a city where i speak 0 of the language at 6 am with no coat
I tried to find the main square because my hostel was right by it
but i failed
ended up going to a street corner, using my calling card and calling my mom
it was only midnight in the us, so she helped me by google maps to get back to the hostel
all I had to go by was the hostel name and street corner and the city
talk about an awkward conversation with your mom... a bit drunk and lost in a city
apparently i had also forgotten to even tell her i was going to Krakow
so I got back at about 6:45 and went to bed.
the end

Hope you enjoyed it. hope he's ok. Hope yoyoyo posts more of these

Until next time,

EFFFFFFF

The First Real Night of Drinking

So the first weekend we were here obviously the crew wants to forget how much we suck at Hungarian and do a little drinking. We proceed to go to a bar called Szimpla where we chill and have a few drinks. A lot of funny stuff happens, and people openly wonder if Flanders has drank before and if he's always like this. Little do they know...

The highlight of the first bar is that Flanders puts down his glass squarely on top of somebody elses and it shatters everywhere. A chorus of "Flannnnn-derssss" comes. (I've told some people about the Flanders is drunk chant, but it's never really caught on, I'm just as sad as you are). We have quite a bit and then decide to go to the next bar/dance club.

Flanders enters, orders a drink and proceeds to walk downstairs to the dance floor. But as he goes down the glass slips out of his hand and shatters on the floor. Not to be deterred he just goes back upstairs and buys another one. That's two shattered glasses in one night (he'd break another one a few days later even). Much later Flanders is shaking his thang downstairs as we try to understand Hungarian dance customs (hint: they don't make sense). A burly guy walks up to him and says "Hey, these girls (points), they don't like you, you should leave." According to Flanders this is completely unprovoked (I don't know the truth). Flanders obviously gets pissed and gets some people to talk about starting a fight. Thankfully nothing goes down.

Now this is the first time we've tried to get home after the metros close, and I proceeded to get lost for two hours. Flanders also gets hellaciously lost. He jumps onto buses with no regard to where they are going. This is particularly funny because he jumps on like three buses and he lives in the easiest place in the city to get to. Literally like every bus goes near his house. Eventually he figures out where he is and then in typical drunk Flanders character proceeds to run the rest of the way home.

Next up: Flanders does the Superbowl.

God Damnit Flanders

I'm like three or four stories behind already. Little did I know what a job I was undertaking when I agreed to keep track of Flanders' drunk exploits abroad.

Updates to come.

Flanders secures sky high approval ratings from JB`s second floor

While this may not be a new story from Hungary, it`s an old gem that deserves to be told.
First semester sophomore year. Flanders is getting drunk as per usual in JB 101, home of Moose and Swiss Army Knife. Flanders, comfortable in his naturally drunken stupor, exhibits all of the signs that lead to the formation of an epic evening. (see previous entry for such signs). Flanders, never satisfied with his current level of partying, was looking to shake things up a bit. When he went out in the hall to pee (he peed in the bathroom, not in the hall, he wasn't that drunk), a jock, the local fauna of JB, ran through the hall screaming PARTY, 2nd floor WHOOOOOO. Flanders was very excited when he returned from the bathroom, and announced, "guys, guys there's a party on the second floor, let's bro." (when flan-man gets drunk, he likes to replace the O sound with the word bro.)
So we went to the second floor, to seek out the party. After wandering through the hall, we realized that this party was like most bro parties, not fun at all. Flanders, however, used his superior social judgment and decided to stay with the football bros while we returned downstairs to drink.
A half hour later, we saw Flanders emerge into 101, soaked in beer and reeking of alcohol. Apparently the jocks had poured beer all over him to show their approval of his dancing. Flanders had stumbled into the room full of drunk jocks and started dancing like a drunk whore. The jocks thought it was great, and when they found out his name, they started shouting FLANDERS, FLANDERS, FLANDERS. (Apparently they don't know the cheer.) The whole time Flan man was screaming, "guys, I hate jocks, like really, I really hate them. But you know whatever, I guess you guys are cool, we can be friends, we can be bros." They thought this was great, chanted more, and continued to pour beer on him. Needless, all involved had a good time, and though we were initially worried, we were thrilled to see that Flanders had had such a good time.
The next day in commons, lots of bros I had never seen before, bros who sat on the far side of the great salad bar divide, approached Flanders and told him how awesome he had been the night before, Flanders of course didn't remember anything or any of their names but was very pleased that he had made such a good impression.
FID

Flanders isn't drunk

Last Friday apparently was Newman Day which Flanders certainly knew. Unfortunately for you all I basically talked him out of it. He didn't want to do it alone (I guess that's a little more alcoholic then shotgunning alone, even for the Flan-man). I would (did) have considered it but
a) it was the third day of class I'd be drinking through
b)We had class the next day at 9
c) Flanders isn't even in the same class room as I so I wouldn't even witness the real drunkeness of it all
d)We had been here less than a week, I didn't really know how to get home late at night, let alone wasted late at night (I'd find that out later, if there's a YoYoYoisdrunk blog somewhere that Flanders is authoring it's quite a story)
e)A million other reasons.

So that was disappointing, but Flanders provided some entertainment anyway. We were getting lunch at a buffet style restaurant recommended to us. After awkwardly ordering food Flanders found what appeared to be the only beer at the place. Leave it to Flanders to drink at the buffet. He said it was to celebrate Newman Day or what not. Anyway, we're eating at a table and Flanders casually asks "What does alchoholius freeus mean in German?" (Obviously this is not correct, as that looks like latin, but it was that clear). Sure enough in about seven languages the beer was alchohol free. Flanders was pissed, asking what's the point, comparing it to decaf coffee and such. Flanders couldn't get drunk at class.

Later that night we had a local take us on a bar hop around town. Showed us a few cool local pubs. Flanders had a few beers but mostly remained well behaved as far as I can remember. After we decided to check out this baller castle in Buda. Flanders proceeded to explain to everyone how we'd visited a casino and how he'd won money on the tram over. Nobody was particularly interested in his story, and the tram was a lot for a tipsy Flanders to handle, more than once almost falling right into my lap. This was the groups first look at drunk Flanders, and I think they didn't know what to do.

On the walk home Flanders seemed to lose 15 years in age and wouldn't stop asking "Are we there yet?" over and over. I don't know what this was about. Didn't really follow the usual drunk characteristics. I can only hypothesize that the pace was less than his 8 minute mile marathon clip and he wanted to run somewhere. Anyway, the next day he claimed, that was such a long walk last night, we walked at least ten miles after Moskva Ter (Moscow Square you ignorant Americans). In reality it had been literally a short jaunt across the street.

It was a relatively quiet night, but I tried to document it well because it was the groups first experience with drunk Flanders. Saturday (story coming soon) would prove to be another experience for them and soon I will try to teach them the chant. Until next time, peace out from Maygarorszag.

Where the hell is Flanders?

Not as exciting at the title suggests, but this happened before we even arrived in Hungary.

Flanders and I realized a couple days before that we were taking the same connecting flight to Budapest from London Heathrow. This was most exciting to me because if I was lost in a foreign land at least I wasn't lost alone, but I digress. We made the plan to meet up in the airport by the gate of our connecting flight. Seems reasonable enough. So I arrive at Heathrow without trouble and as I'm going through security I see Flanders in the distance. I didn't really want to make a commotion trying to flag him down, so I watched the direction that he went and carried on my way. Hell yeah, this was going to be easy.

I get through security and wander the way he seemed to have gone. He's nowhere to be found, but that's not that ridiculous. This is Terminal 5, but it's freaking enormous. I'm told this is the new terminal, but still, Heathrow is obviously a big airport from what I've seen. So I go check to see where the gate is. Whoops, they don't tell you what gate it is until an hour before...and I have like a five hour layover. So I wander some more, yo-yo in the most prominent area (an activity I felt might draw enough attention while wasting time), surf the internet, watch some Mad Men, wander some more, and yo-yo some more. About 3 and a half hours later I turn around and two rows of chairs back is Flanders, sitting towards me oblivious.

I yell at him. "What the hell man, I've been yo-yoing here for like twenty minutes?" Suffice to say he didn't see me. I ask him what he's been up to. He says he's had 2 or 3 pints in the bar while he waited. Not only that but British Airways gives free drinks (!!) so he's had a beer and wine on the plane (as well as coffee, water and apple juice...apparently he peed three times). At this point it's not fair to call him drunk, but he must have been buzzed.

To make matters more interesting we arrived around 8:00 GMT, which is 3:00 EST. So he was drinking most of these beers around 5 in the morning EST.

Updates Coming

As many of you know, it's been my job to keep tabs of Flanders as he travels to the land of the Magyars. He's sitting across from me though, and updates will have to come later.

There are a few good tales to come. Stay tuned.

Bedtime Stories Wanted

Dearest informant,

We need updates, please.

Tent Croo '09